Temperament control is key if we want to enjoy mental and emotional stability, as in turn essential when it comes to caring for relationships with others
Each person is different and those differences are marked, in part, by temperament: some are calmer and calmer, but also more frowning and anxious. Regardless of our current state of mind, we can go through a time when we are much more irascible towards others, sometimes causing unnecessary arguments and confrontations.
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There are even experts who assure that these seasons, in which, we complain more or get angry more often with the people around us can be related to suffering from anxiety, stress, or depression.
The problem comes when we’re not able to detect that we’re actually overstepping us more than we should. And you never know the mood that a person may be going through, hence you have to try to show kindness at any time.
If we get carried away by our impulses, we can risk losing important people to us in just a bad argument. How to control all these outbreaks of anger that can appear at any time?
“When you feel angry you are under the influence of a series of strong chemicals,” says Ilene Strauss Cohen, a psychotherapist specializing in human behavior, in a recent article in ‘Psychology Today’.
“The amygdala, a part of your brain involved in the experience of anger, is one of the brain’s most primitive components. After your amygdala alerts your body that you’re angry, your adrenal gland kicks into action. Adrenaline is a chemical that increases your heart rate, forcing body contractions and blood flow to your brain and muscles. Your body starts producing more testosterone, a chemical that kicks your aggression into a higher gear”
explains Cohen.
According to Cohen, anger makes us do or say things that we may later regret, as it connects with our most primitive defense mechanism by clouding perception and distorting reality, forcing us to act immediately because we feel attacked. There are multiple ways to tackle these outbreaks that are so harmful to yourself and the people around you.
“Angry thoughts seduce you into misbehaving and give you feedback to keep you angry, thinking that what the other person did was intentionally, and forcing you to think that you have no choice but to take action”
says the expert.
“However, anger is often the result of misinterpreting other people’s actions and assigning our own meaning to them,” Cohen emphasizes.
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When people respond to situations with anger, there is usually a deeper compelling reason. Behind your anger is also your fear of being hurt, of not being able to defend yourself, or of unfair things happening.
All of these feelings are understandable. And anger is also appropriate in certain situations. The bad thing is when it turns negative for us and the people around us.
The nature of anger
When treating a patient with temperament problems, they are trained to learn to calm down and self-regulate, working with the anguish they suffer and the triggers that make them jump.
“It is important to remember that anger is a very normal human emotion, when properly managed and expressed it is not a problem,” recalls Cohen.
“You may feel hurt, scared, disappointed, worried, embarrassed, or frustrated, but if you always respond in anger, that is when the problem arises. By looking within ourselves, we can see what is behind that angry behavior. And so on, We can learn to express ourselves differently by accepting that we are vulnerable.”
“Life is too short to spend all the time angry”, as they said in the mythical (and extremely violent) movie ‘American History X‘. For all this, Cohen details a series of tips and recommendations for those who perceive that they spend a lot of time sulking, and in that case, measures must be taken to change it.
First, “acknowledge your anger triggers, specific comments, and people or places that tend to make you uncomfortable.”
Second, and perhaps most importantly, “have empathy and try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.” It is also important to “pay attention to the warning signs of anger that the body marks”,
Once we have recognized the moment that gives way to our anger, we must put measures to stop negative or violent thoughts.
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This could translate to “concentrating on your breathing, thinking, evaluating everything you think, listening to music or going for a walk.”
In short, any activity that clears your mind and reduces your anger. If you can’t do it and you still don’t relax, it’s best to go to a professional because you may need help from a specialist in managing emotions.