This was pointed out in an exclusive dialogue with Sarah M. Coyne, one of the most relevant researchers at Brigham Young University, in Utah, USA and How to reverse this situation?

We’ve all been there before (or seen it). You’re pushing your child through the grocery store when he begins to fidget and then wiggle.

When he sees a toy he wants but you won’t buy him (such a mean mom! ), the wiggle turns into a whine, and the whine swiftly turns into a full-fledged tantrum.

At this time, everyone else in the store is staring at you. An elderly woman shakes her head and gives you a disapproving look, as if to say, “Why can’t you just get your kid under control?”

So you turn to a strategy that many parents have used: you pass your cell phone to your child. He quickly stops weeping, happily interested on Nick Jr., allowing you to finish your shopping in peace. The issue is resolved!

Is that correct? This form of parental tactic is known as “media emotion regulation,” and it occurs when parents use media to help their child regulate challenging emotions. This appears to be quite effective at the moment—the child has stopped sobbing! Everyone comes out ahead! But can this basic method have an impact on how kids deal with emotions in general? Is it more likely to be used with a certain type of child? And, in the long run, may it backfire on us, thereby raising tantrums in general? This is what they set out to investigate in their recent study of media and toddlers.

They asked parents how often they used media to regulate (or calm down) their toddlers (aged 2-3 years) when they were upset.

Another important aspect, which has increased with the pandemic, is the time of exposure to the screens. The use of the devices is increasing in number of hours and decreasing in age of the children who use them.

Why does using media to regulate emotions matter for children?

In short, the emotion regulation strategies that we all learn as infants and toddlers are the little-kid versions of the emotion regulation strategies we use as adults. Emotion regulation becomes vital for parents because infants and toddlers struggle to regulate their emotions on their own—they need help. For example, suppose a baby is crying. In that case, they often need someone to pick them up and carry them to calm down (using your body to regulate their emotions, something that is hard for them to do on their own).

Toddlers and infants’ reliance on adults to help them learn how to regulate their emotions means that when parents hand their toddlers a phone to calm them down, their child might get in the habit of relying on media to regulate their emotions when things get tough. This could potentially lead to problematic or addictive media use later in development.

Is this one of the points that you tried to prove in the last investigation?

Effectively. To do this, we conducted a study asking parents how often they used the devices to calm their young children (2 to 3 years old). We found this to be relatively common and we found this was relatively common: only 3% of parents said they never use media to regulate their children’s emotions while 19% said they often use it that use increased if their children had a difficult temperament. 

Parents also gave devices to the more outgoing children. These little ones can be very energetic and often demanding. They ask for more social and emotional interaction from their parents such as talking excessively, wanting them to play a lot with them. Similarly, children who get angry quickly can wear out parents just as quickly.

They also analyzed the children’s reactions

We made them watch an episode of “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood” for five minutes. This particular show was about regulating your emotions and what to do when you’re upset. We unexpectedly stopped the show in the middle of the episode and then watched what the kids did for the next few minutes. We found that little ones were more likely to throw tantrums when parents reported using the devices. 

This is one early indicator of problematic media use, which can lead to a media addiction when older teens and adults still rely on media to regulate difficult emotions

What would you say to parents who argue that it is very complex for their children to sit in the car or eat in a restaurant without a scene?

I’ve been there. I have five young children and we’ve had our fair share of public tantrums. Sometimes we have resorted to devices; after all, it is an excellent tool.

The goal is to avoid the habit of reaching for media when your child expresses difficult emotions

How to avoid excess screens

It is necessary to validate the emotions of our children and show empathy.

It is boring to sit in a grocery cart for an hour while your parent goes shopping! I would probably throw a fit, too. So, name the child’s emotion, for example, “oh wow, I’m guessing you are feeling bored (or mad or sad) sitting there. I get it—it’s okay to feel bored! How can I help you out?” Simply validating and expressing empathy might be enough to deter a total meltdown. 

If validating and showing empathy doesn’t work, it’s wise to prepare yourself with a backpack of tools that you can use to help distract your child without including the devices. Toys, stickers and books that you only use when you go out, so they are new and in good condition. If it still doesn’t work, you have to stop and think. If the adult overflows it never helps. You have to stop, take at least ten deep breaths, and give yourself a second to think.

If an adult eventually falls into the devices, does it harm your child? What is the right measure?

Don’t feel guilty if you use media on rare occasions. You probably won’t be the first or the only parent to use them to help a crying toddler calm down. Try to focus on doing more than just using the screens and putting them away, like a long plane ride. Feeling guilty every time you give your child a phone or tablet is not going to help you or your child. 

What is essential is to focus on that we are helping our children to recognize that difficult emotions are okay and that they can use many different tools to deal with them.

Do video games generate addiction?

Whether video games become pathological or addictive in nature is hotly debated in the literature. Several scholars do not believe that the devices can be addictive.

However, a great deal of other research indicates that they can become destructive to family life. Therefore, it is important for families to recognize when video games are harmless entertainment and when they become a very real problem.

Pathological use of video games (also known as Internet gaming disorder) has been recognized by the WHO as serious behavior worthy of future study.

Only about 10% of players will develop a pathological problem.

What behaviors contribute to the development of this addiction?

We are talking about a multifaceted problem. However, families can play a role, both for better and for worse. For example, several studies have found that severe parenting styles and high conflict families tend to promote video game addiction symptoms, while warm and responsive parenting has been linked to less addiction.

This could also interact with the child’s physiology.

We did a study that showed that teens who were highly reactive during family conflicts were the most likely to develop video game symptoms over time. Setting rules about video games is important, but it tends to backfire when they are too restrictive. 

Positive parenting and helping your child feel safe to go a long way toward making them more resilient against addiction.

What should a family do when there is evidence of a problem with video games?

Fortunately, in recent years a series of treatment strategies have been identified that are quite effective. Most of the research has focused on Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) which focuses on changing cognitive distortions and unhelpful behaviors. 

In fact, family therapy is particularly effective in treating video game use disorder.

Other treatments include the use of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and drug treatments that often focus on treating comorbid disorders, such as depression or ADHD.

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