Romantic love is hard to define, but it involves developing a strong emotional bond (called “attachment”), being sexually attracted to someone, and caring for them.

People who are “in love” have a wide range of intense feelings, such as intrusive thoughts, emotional dependence, and more energy.

However, these emotions may be confined to the early stages of the relationship. But why?

We all know that stressful life events can affect how a married couple interacts with one another, but a new analysis suggests that it can also change how they perceive each other.

A new study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science found that someone who is stressed is more likely to notice their partner’s bad behavior than their good behavior.

Prior studies have focused on how stress changes behavior, but this study suggests that stress could change what actions partners notice in the first place. The monitored negative behaviors included a spouse violating a vow, displaying anger or impatience, or criticizing their partner.

The study’s lead author, Dr. Lisa Neff of the University of Texas at Austin, says, they “found that individuals who reported experiencing more stressful life events outside of their relationship, such as problems at work, were especially likely to notice if their partner behaved in an inconsiderate manner”.

They asked 79 heterosexual couples who had just gotten married to fill out a short survey every night for 10 days, in which they wrote about their own behavior and that of their partner. Participants filled out a questionnaire detailing stressful experiences in their lives prior to starting this stage of the study.

Dr. Neff says that studying newlyweds shows how important the results are because, during the “honeymoon” period, couples tend to focus on each other’s good traits and ignore their bad ones.

“For many people,” the author adds, “the past few years have been difficult – and the stress of the pandemic continues to linger.

“If stress focuses individuals’ attention toward their partner’s more inconsiderate behaviors, this is likely to take a toll on the relationship.”

Researchers found that a single stressful day wasn’t enough to make someone focus on their partner’s bad behavior, but that a long series of stressful events could do this. The results also imply that people under stress were more likely to notice their partner’s impolite behavior than they were to notice their partner’s pleasant behavior.

Dr. Neff says that unless further research is conducted, it remains speculative that couples who are aware of the impacts of stress would be able to change their behavior and limit relationship damage. She adds that it would be a good idea for future studies to take this study beyond its initial honeymoon period.

“One direction would be to examine if the harmful effects of stress might be even stronger among couples no longer in the newlywed phase of their relationships,” adds Dr. Neff, “but the fact that we found these effects in a sample of newlyweds speaks to how impactful the effects of stress can be.”

Source: 10.1177/19485506221125411

Image Credit: Getty

You were reading: What Makes People Focus More On Their Romantic Partner’s Negative Behavior: A Red Flag